"You need this damn pullover hoodie" - Val Kilmer

When's the last time you grew a full coat of fur, went out in a blizzard, and punched a tree until it splintered into a thousand pieces? Don't lie, I know it's been awhile. I've been watching you. 

But that one time you DID do that, remember when you then took those pieces, rebuilt a full tree (better than the original), magically produced a log cabin, and then burned it to the ground, all for the sake of Science & Wizardry?

Keep those nips nice and cozy, Harry Potter!

Get this friggin thang and make all living and undead beings envious of your swag \m/   

Look... there's no easy way to say this. This shirt will get you layed. 

At some point in the near future, upon slipping this shirt up and over that lump on top of your shoulders, we can promise you that a potato chip will in fact reveal itself to you... Unraveling it's salty essence into your sloppy pie-hole.

Whether or not you accept the lay, you will still have this PREMIUM COTTON COMFORT COLORS SHIRT wrapped around your doughy body. 

I had to put that last part in bold, because you need to know how fuggin' swanky these t-shirts are. You might even get laid because of it.

Pro-tip: Bring onion dip wherever you go. 

When the sunlight graces your ugly mug at the buttcrack of dawn… it’s time to grab that Medium Roast, For Dark Mournings.

Quit being a shmuck, and face your inner demons like a champ! With each sip… snuff out those annoying early birds who get’r done before you even awake from your dusty crypt. 

Get this. Nothing will ever be the same, you n00b.

When the sunlight graces your ugly mug at the buttcrack of dawn… it’s time to grab that 3 pack of Medium Roast, For Dark Mournings.